Bundyology - Sketch

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:
Sketch with the Bundys

Last update June 1, 1998

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This is the transcript of a sketch, performed on a Tonight Show in spring 1996. The show premiered in the US on April 29, in Europe on April 30. In that week, the show was taped at Rosemont Theatre in Chicago.

Key:
[] Description of action
J: Jay Leno (the host)
B: Bud Bundy
K: Kelly Bundy

[The show was opened by a dancing group called "Dennis Rodman Dancers". These five guys all look the same, wearing Rodman's #91 shirt, but every dancer has a different hair colour. At the end of his monologue, Jay notices them hanging around in front of a fire exit. He asks them to find seats but they say there are no free seats in the theatre anymore. Jay says that he knows somebody in Chicago and they should wait for a few moments. He runs out of the fire exit and through the Married... with Children opening screen showing Buckingham Fountain. Then he arrives at the Bundy front door.]

J: I hope they're at home [He knocks. Bud opens the door and looks astonished.] Hey, howya doin'! Jay Leno.

B: Jay Leno! [Bud is delighted and they shake hands.] What are you... what are you doing here?

J: Listen, I know you Bundys do anything for a quick buck, and... uh... [Jay looks embarrassed.] maybe you can help me out.

B: Oh Jay, I'm sorry, I think... uh... Kelly already has a date. [We see Kelly sitting in the living room. The Chicago audience cheers and blows whistles.]

Kelly

J: No, not that. [He points at the couch.] The couch! I need that couch. [He pushes Bud aside and enters quickly. When he arrives at the couch, Kelly stands up delighted.]

K: Hey, Jerry Leno! [They shake hands, the audience laughs and applauds.]

J: Yeah, I'm not Jerry, howya doin'. How much for the couch?

B: Uh, listen, you wanna buy the couch? You see, this is a sentimental object, it's a family heirloom, you know what I mean?

Kelly, Jay and Bud

J: [Indifferently:] Yeah.

K: Yeah, this is the couch our parents conceded us on.

J: Really!? [The audience laughs as Kelly used the wrong word.] I give you... hundred bucks for it. [He holds up a 100 dollar bill.]

K: Sold! [She's hopping for joy.] Thanks!

B: [To Kelly:] I was negotiating!

K: [To Bud:] It's only worth ten bucks.

J: [To the kids:] Get on that end, quick!

[The kids push the couch out of the living room, Jay pulls at the other end of the couch. Then Al comes down the stairs, reading an issue of Big'Uns. The audience cheers and applauds. Al puts a hand down his pants and wants to sit on the couch without stopping to read. Since there is no couch anymore he falls to the floor. The audience laughs out loud. Meanwhile, Jay is back on the opening screen with Buckingham Fountain. He's still pulling the couch.]

J: Damn Bundy kids. I'll do it myself!

[He enters the Rosemont Theatre. The crowd goes mad. He pulls the Bundy couch to the middle of the room and the Rodman look-alikes sit down on it. Then Jay runs back to the stage.]

Thanks to "Ade Bundy" for his corrections.

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